


fleeting

by ilovesungyeollie



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angsty?, M/M, VALENTINE'S SPECIAL, i love panwink so much like ?????, i'm here to water the panwink tag, there's fluff but the ending is, um
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-18 05:50:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13675539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilovesungyeollie/pseuds/ilovesungyeollie
Summary: "Jihoon-hyung, if we both make it into the top eleven, will we be able to be together?""Yes Guanlin, we will."-the story of how two boys crossed oceans to meet and fell in love against all odds.





	fleeting

**Author's Note:**

> hello my lovelies~~ here is my second panwink story! i wrote half of it just now to finish it in time for valentine's day~  
> the ending turned out more angsty than i planned but hope it will be enjoyable nonetheless!
> 
> before that, i've got two things to say.
> 
> 1\. the fansign i detail in the story took place on 171119 at noryangjin. there's videos so if you guys haven't already seen them GO. NOW. HERE'S THE LINK. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pA8wxc_C9eI
> 
> 2\. i've got a confession(?) to make,,, um actually i'm not even a wannable and i'm not a particularly big fan of wanna one. BUT i have seen pd101 and watched a decent amount of wanna one videos and I JUST LOVE DANIEL AND GUANLIN AND JIHOON AND I SHIP PANWINK TO BITS. so i'm sorry if there are any errors in here, i don't usually write canon anyways asdfghjkl.
> 
> and now onto to the story!!

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Jihoon-hyung, if we both make it into the top eleven, will be able to be together?"

 

That simple question hung in the air. Jihoon knew it was asking for more than just being in the same group. He turned towards the other boy, their bodies facing each other in the small bed.

 

"Yes Guanlin, we will."

 

Despite the promise being something to rejoice, both boys laid in an anguished silence.

 

Because they knew their time together was limited.

 

-

 

"In 7th place, Cube’s Lai Guanlin."

 

"And 2nd place, Maroo Entertainment’s Park Jihoon."

 

Guanlin grinned at Jihoon with the happiest, most beautiful smile and Jihoon's heart seized up in his chest. They hugged tightly and when Jihoon pulled away, Guanlin gestured vaguely to his face. Of course, Jihoon knew what the younger wanted. So with a light smile he motioned Guanlin to lean down and in one swift movement, landed a soft peck to Guanlin's cheek.

 

Then before Jihoon could do anything stupid on live television, like pull Guanlin in for an actual kiss, Jihoon hurried towards his seat. Jihoon lifted his eyes and immediately caught Guanlin's who was watching him. They smile and for once don't think about anything but the happy days that are coming.

 

-

 

The weeks after the end of Produce 101 goes by in a flurry of debut preparations and countless CF shootings. Their group name is chosen; the eleven of them now known as Wanna One. They start filming for their reality show as soon as they move into their new dorm and everything just moves so fast it's hard for them to keep up.

 

They're so busy that Jihoon and Guanlin don't have time to themselves. But it's alright because they're finally living their dreams. They are standing on stage, performing and doing what they love, with thousands of fans screaming their names.

 

When Jihoon sees Guanlin smiling that beautiful smile, pure and innocent, he feels so glad the younger made it through and reached his goal. And when Guanlin turns to send that heart stopping smile to Jihoon, looking at the elder like he's the only one in the world, Jihoon feels so happy that Guanlin is his.

 

-

 

It was the end of the first week of their comeback with Nothing Without You, the repackage of their first mini album. Wanna One was having a fansign and as usual, the fans were all very excited and emotional.

 

As dictated by their official standing order, Guanlin was supposed to be on the very left end of the long table, with only Seongwoo in between him and Jihoon. However, today, for some reason, Guanlin had been shuffled to the other side of the table while Jihoon was where he usually was. In the beginning, Guanlin had pouted, sad that he wouldn't be able to play around with his precious Jihoon. Then during a lull in the fansign when Guanlin had finished up with a fan, but the next fan was still held up, he had an idea. Picking up the microphone next to him, Guanlin's face lights up with a wide smile.

 

Jihoon also didn't have a fan in front of him and was busy smiling and waving to the audience when a sweet, deep voice reached his ears.

 

"Park Jihoon is so handsome!"

 

Jihoon's eyes widen slightly and he automatically turns to his right to find the source of the call. When he doesn't see the cheeky maknae, he whips his head to his left. Leaning forward, Jihoon barely catches sight of his boyfriend before he picks up his microphone and responds.

 

"What the, Guanlinnie?"

 

Guanlin grins and his eyes turn into crescents as he glances in Jihoon's direction.

 

"Park Jihoon is so handsome."

 

Guanlin repeats, before calling out 'Park Jihoon' in a high pitched voice.

 

On his side, Jihoon is struggling not to squeal at how cute Guanlin is being. Jihoon remains silent, not trusting himself to speak and goes back to giving fanservice.

 

Later that night, Jihoon attacks Guanlin with hugs and kisses, scolding him playfully for messing with him at the fansign. Guanlin just grins and enjoys Jihoon's presence, basking in his warm embrace.

 

-

 

2017 ends before Guanlin and Jihoon even realises and 2018 is coming at them in full force. They have already discussed and been briefed on the plans for Wanna One in this new year and it's packed to the brim with comebacks and programs and endorsements.

 

Guanlin is excited for Wanna One's new activities but what he has really been waiting for was one particular day. February fourteenth, to be exact. Also known as Valentine's Day or the day Guanlin will kill Jihoon with his cheesy but sweet words.

 

It started as soon as Jihoon woke up with Guanlin by his side. The two of them had slept in the same bed, again, since Guanlin just wouldn't let go of Jihoon, even in his sleep. Guanlin shot a bright smile to Jihoon, who returned it sleepily.

 

"Jihoon-hyung."

 

Guanlin calls to make sure Jihoon is paying attention to him. When Jihoon hums in acknowledgement, Guanlin continues.

 

"Aren't you tired? Because you've been running through my mind all night."

 

Jihoon blinks at Guanlin in confusion, mind unable to process such a pick up line at four am in the morning.

 

Guanlin chuckles and lands a peck on Jihoon's forehead.

 

"It's Valentine's Day today hyung."

 

With that, Guanlin gets up and leaves a surprised Jihoon behind.

 

And apparently that was only the start of it. Before Jihoon even made it to the bathroom to do his morning routine, Guanlin appeared beside him with another big smile.

 

"I thought happiness started with a H but why does mine start with U?"

 

This time Jihoon blushes and he pushes Guanlin away to hide inside the bathroom.

 

The next attack was in the van. They were on the way to their first schedule when Guanlin leaned over to Jihoon to whisper in his ear.

 

"Are you a magnet? Because I'm so attracted to you."

 

Except Guanlin miscalculates how loud his voice was and everyone in the van hears him. There is a short silence as everyone turns to stare at the two of them before somebody wolf whistles and the quiet breaks into teasing remarks.

 

Jihoon turns pink immediately while Guanlin grins smugly to himself.

 

The rest of the morning passes normally, with Wanna One busy with their show recording. After that they were driven to the venue for their fanmeeting. They were going to hold a special Valentine's Day fanmeet, much to their fans' delight. They had a quick run through of how the show would go that night before given an hour break for lunch.

 

Guanlin and Jihoon were sitting on one of the couches in their dressing room, munching through some rice and meat. Jihoon had completely forgotten about Guanlin's sudden pick up line attack and was fully absorbed in satisfying his hunger when Guanlin's perky voice reached his ears.

 

"Jihoon-hyung, if you were a chicken, you'd be impeccable."

 

Jihoon stills for a second as his mind registers the sentence before bursting out in laughter. Guanlin watches Jihoon laugh with a fond smile on his face, glad he could make his hyung happy. Once Jihoon is done, he turns to Guanlin with a playful frown.

 

“I was in the middle of eating, Lin. What if I choked or something?”

 

Guanlin sticks his tongue out, leaning against Jihoon’s side. “But you didn’t.”

 

Jihoon shakes his head before resuming eating.

 

The special Valentine’s Day fanmeeting was a big success, with the Wanna One members having heaps of fun playing couple games together and performing for their fans.

 

The drive back to their dorms was a silent affair with most of the members dozing off after their eventful day. Jihoon had his head resting on Guanlin's shoulder but he was wide awake. He was playing with his and Guanlin's hands when the younger turned his head slightly. This time Guanlin whispered successfully, with only Jihoon hearing the soft words.

 

"If beauty were time, you'd be an eternity."

 

Jihoon's heart swells and he feels all warm inside. Maybe he and Guanlin couldn't freely spend Valentine's Day together like other couples, but the amount of love Guanlin had been sending him today definitely wasn't lacking. With a small smile Jihoon looks up and meets Guanlin's eyes. Then without warning, Jihoon closes the distance between them and presses a kiss to Guanlin's lips. Pulling away slightly, Jihoon murmurs his own line.

 

"If I had to choose between breathing and loving you, I would say 'I love you' with my last breath."

 

-

 

The months speed by and soon enough it's halfway through the year. Wanna One is releasing their third mini album entitled Never End, with a title track called Rose. It's a mid tempo ballad song with a melody and lyrics as beautiful as the name. What had Guanlin and Jihoon excited, and nervous, was the choreography.

 

It was during the bridge when Guanlin's rap part came on. Jihoon was to kneel on one knee and look down whilst Guanlin walked from the side to diagonally behind him. Then as Guanlin finished his rap, he was to use his right hand to lift Jihoon's chin up until he and Jihoon's eyes met.

 

Now, the moves were simple and easy to follow, but it was the nature of the gestures that had both boys flushing every single time during dance practice. The choreographer was either oblivious or didn't care, but the other members who were standing on the sidelines for that part were all giving them knowing looks. As soon as a break was announced, the members gathered around Guanlin and Jihoon to tease them.

 

"Man, I thought you two were going to combust from all that sexual tension."

 

Jihoon's face turns redder than it already was as he glares at Daniel who was smirking at him.

 

"You guys better not look so flustered on stage or else the public might think Panwink is actually real." Jisung says.

 

At this Guanlin wraps an arm around Jihoon and pipes up with an indignant voice.

 

"But Panwink is real."

 

The members sigh and roll their eyes.

 

"Okay Mr. President of the Panwink club, we know. But tone it down."

 

With that the members go towards their own part of the practice room to sit and gulp down water.

 

It's one week later that Wanna One has their first comeback stage. The members all shift nervously as they stand backstage, waiting for their turn to perform. Jihoon leans inconspicuously into Guanlin's chest and turns to murmur in his ear.

 

"People won't find out about us, will they?"

 

Guanlin looks down at Jihoon and gives him a reassuring smile.

 

"Don't worry too much hyung. It's part of the choreography so no-one will question it."

 

They don't have time to talk any more as they're being called and ushered onto stage. The performance runs without a hitch with fans cheering them on excitedly. When the song reaches the bridge and the other members scatter to the side, Jihoon and Guanlin both get into position with racing hearts. They try not to show how nervous they are and instead focus on the dance moves.

 

Guanlin walks around and Jihoon waits with bated breath for the other's hand to graze his chin. When it does, Jihoon's head follows Guanlin's guiding hand until Jihoon's staring straight into Guanlin's eyes.

 

In that moment, with the stage lights bright behind Guanlin's head, Jihoon feels everything drop away. The screaming fans, the pounding music and all thoughts of reality. In that single point in time, all Jihoon could think of was how beautiful Guanlin was and how much he loved the other.

 

Jihoon’s snapped out of his sudden trance when Guanlin finishes his rap. Guanlin’s still gazing at Jihoon as he sends a playful smirk and wink. The fans’ screams spike and Jihoon feels breathless, heart stuttering in his chest. Then the next beat of the song hits and Jihoon’s body reacts automatically, something that could only be achieved from endless hours of practice.

 

The rest of the performance passes by in a blur and Jihoon is surprised at how calm he seems when he watches the replay. He does cringe at his starry eyed look during Guanlin’s rap though. As Jihoon continues to mentally scold himself for being embarrassing (again) on live television, a body slides onto the couch next to him. Guanlin grins at Jihoon and in one smooth motion leans forward to place a peck on Jihoon’s cheek.

 

“You’re too cute hyung.”

 

-

 

As the end of 2018 slowly draws closer, there is a subtle but noticeable change in Wanna One’s auras. Their contracts, and their days together, are coming to an end and everyone is well aware, especially when they are all in the midst of contract meetings with YMC and their own company. Back home at the dorm, more often than not, there is a melancholic atmosphere overhanging their heads. And it is with the looming end in mind that the members all value the remaining days and schedules so much more. On camera, everyone goes the extra mile to be cheerful and smiley. They’re giving it their all before it all disappears.

 

It is a bright sunny day when Wanna One has a rare day off. It is also Guanlin’s birthday and according to their precious maknae’s wishes, the dorm is empty save for Jihoon and Guanlin himself. Currently the two of them are tangled together, arms and legs around each other, as they often are these days. Guanlin hardly even sleeps in his own bed now, preferring to cuddle with Jihoon. With his head laid on Jihoon's shoulder and arms wrapped around Jihoon's waist, Guanlin sighs in contentment. Jihoon runs his fingers lightly through Guanlin's soft black hair, looking at the younger warmly.

 

"Lin, are we going to lay here the entire day? Don't you want to do something fun for your birthday?"

 

Guanlin gazes up at Jihoon with his beautiful round eyes.

 

"Being with you is the funnest thing in the world."

 

Jihoon laughs, voice tinkling pleasantly through the room.

 

"That's not even a word."

 

Guanlin just grins, eyes disappearing into adorable crescents.

 

Jihoon squeals inwardly before squishing Guanlin's cheeks with his palms.

 

"Come on Lin. Let's watch a movie at least. We can still cuddle on the couch."

 

With the promise of cuddles, Guanlin finally extracts himself from Jihoon's embrace. The two of them make their way to the living room, and once Guanlin's favourite action movie is playing, they fall to the couch in a heap. The day passes like that with Guanlin and Jihoon stuck together as they watch movie after movie, only getting up briefly for a lunch of ramyun. By the middle of the fourth movie they’re not even paying attention anymore, both half asleep.

 

“Guanlin-ah, we should get up and walk around a bit, we’ve been sitting here the entire day.” Jihoon murmurs. As the elder of the two it was his job to look after the younger and make sure his legs didn’t lose function after not using them for the whole day.

 

Guanlin whines when Jihoon makes to move away and clings tighter onto Jihoon’s body. Jihoon slumps back and looks at Guanlin with an almost exasperated expression.

 

“What’s up with you today Lin?” Jihoon asks with a tilt of his head. “I know you like cuddling but you’re usually not this clingy.”

 

The younger doesn’t reply and instead buries his face into Jihoon’s chest.

 

“What is it baby? Tell me what’s wrong.” Jihoon says softly, looking down at Guanlin.

 

With a sigh Guanlin pulls away and keeps his eyes on his lap as he mumbles. Jihoon doesn’t quite catch it and asks Guanlin to repeat himself.

 

“I don’t know how long I can still cuddle you like this, hyung.”

 

It was only one sentence but with that sentence the gloomy atmosphere that had dispersed for the day came crashing back.

 

Jihoon blinked, unable to reply. It was something that had been on his mind as well. With the end of their contract and all the members moving back to their own companies, his and Guanlin’s relationship would have to change too. For Jihoon there was only one solution, the worst nightmare for any happy couple. He would have to broach that topic with Guanlin someday, but not today. Not on Guanlin’s birthday.

 

So putting a smile on his face, Jihoon lifts Guanlin’s face up with his hands. Jihoon gives Guanlin a sweet kiss and smooths out the frown that had formed on the younger’s face.

 

“There’s still months to go Lin. Let’s not think about that yet, okay?”

 

-

 

The end came faster than any of the members had expected. In the blink of an eye December was upon them and with it the final days of them together as Wanna One. There was now a sense of agitation amongst the members that couldn’t be hidden even on stage. And like that, with heavy hearts and sadness, Wanna One performed their last stage together as eleven on the last day of December.

 

It was a mess at best. The members could barely hold back their tears as they sang their songs and danced their fast paced choreography. During the final ment, they could clearly see their fans crying which only fueled their sorrow further.

 

After the painful goodbye was over, the members were dropped back at their dorm. Although their last public appearance together was over, they were allowed to stay in the Wanna One dorm until they were ready to move out. But no matter how much they all wanted to stay together, the dorm would be empty before the first week of January ended.

 

-

 

"Guanlin-ah, let's end it."

 

The dorm was once again empty, with only Jihoon and Guanlin left. But this time the rooms were bare and vacant, with not a trace of personal items. The others had all left, either earlier in the week or just that morning. Jihoon was supposed to have gone two days ago, but had stubbornly chosen to stay with Guanlin just a little longer. And now, at the last moment, Jihoon finally managed to say the words that had been swirling in his mind.

 

Guanlin reacts sharply to the suggestion. He shakes his head and grabs onto Jihoon's hand, meeting his eyes beseechingly.

 

"No Jihoon-hyung, please don't break up with me."

 

Jihoon draws a breath, willing himself to remain composed. "Guanlin we've been through this already. We’ll be returning to our companies in under an hour. Please don’t make this harder.”

 

“Hyung, please.”

 

Guanlin desperately begs, looking at Jihoon with teary eyes.

 

Jihoon turns his head to the side and replies while trying to hide the waver in his voice. "I don't want to hold you back Guanlin. What if you meet someone nice at your company?"

 

"I won't meet anyone better than you Jihoon-hyung." Guanlin states, distress seeping into his tone.

 

"Well, what about Seonho? Maybe you should give him a chance. I know he likes you a lot." Jihoon continues to stare resolutely at the plain white wall as he ploughs on with his precomposed lines.

 

"Jihoon-hyung!"

 

Guanlin’s anguished call finally causes Jihoon to turn back to the younger. There are drops of tears falling from Guanlin’s eyes now, only falling faster as Jihoon pulls his hands away and takes a step back.

 

“You know Seonho is just a friend to me.”

 

Jihoon blinks rapidly, trying to force the tears back into his eyes. With a choked whisper he replies. “I know.”

 

“I just can’t keep you in a relationship with me when I know it can’t be my first priority.”

 

The words ring in the silence of the room, and it hurts but it’s the truth. Guanlin and Jihoon both know that once they step out of this door, their careers would have to be the most important thing to them.

 

“And I know there is a no dating clause in your contract, Guanlin.”

 

Guanlin wipes his tears but they just keep falling. He moves towards Jihoon and before the older can avoid him, Guanlin has his arms wrapped tightly around Jihoon’s shoulders. Guanlin’s sobbing now as he pulls Jihoon in as close to him as possible.

 

“Jihoon-hyung, I don’t want to let you go.”

 

Jihoon stills and swallows hard. He had originally had been trying to resist and break away to not make it anymore painful than it already was. But then Guanlin had whispered that line in such a broken voice that Jihoon felt his heart break along with it. His tears finally fall, unable to be held back.

 

It was almost funny. The two of them were acting like they would never see each other again when actually they would be living only fifteen minutes away from each other. But that was just it. Despite being so close they wouldn’t be able to come and go as they please. They were idols. Popular idols whose every action were scrutinised by thousands of people. While they were in Wanna One it was easy. They lived together and no one would’ve suspected a thing if they were always close, because that was expected. However once they were going down their own paths, there was no reason for them to be seen together all the time. Not to mention they wouldn’t have any time amidst their busy schedules anyways.

 

Jihoon just wanted to make sure Guanlin was safe. Guanlin was still so young, still had so much more to achieve. He couldn’t let something like a scandal destroy his chances of a successful future.

 

Pulling back, as much as he could in Guanlin’s death grip, Jihoon looks up at the tall, charming boy. Jihoon’s watery eyes gazes upon Guanlin’s soft black hair, his gorgeous eyes that were currently red rimmed and filled with tears. Jihoon manages a smile and prompts the younger to as well.

 

“Smile for me, baby.”

 

Guanlin looks at Jihoon for a few seconds before his face formed the sweet and beautiful smile that Jihoon loved so much.

 

“I love you, Guanlin.” Jihoon whispers, fingers reaching up to wipe the younger’s tears. “So much.”

 

Guanlin in turn brushes Jihoon’s cheeks, eyes moving from his hyung’s pretty eyes to his pouty lips.

 

“I will always love you, Jihoon-hyung.”

 

Slowly Guanlin closes the short distance between them, lips pressing firmly against Jihoon’s plush ones. Guanlin moves his right hand to support the back of Jihoon’s head while his other arm drops down to wrap securely around Jihoon’s waist.  Then as Guanlin’s tilting his head to deepen the kiss, Jihoon reaches up to wind his arms around Guanlin’s neck. They’re impossibly close, lips moulding together perfectly.

 

It was a bittersweet kiss, full of the love Guanlin and Jihoon felt for each other but laced with the sadness of their inevitable parting. Minutes passed, with both boys reluctant to part. As always it was Jihoon who put down his foot, breaking the kiss and bowing his head.

 

Jihoon stared at Guanlin’s shoulder as his hands clenched Guanlin’s shirt. Releasing Guanlin’s shirt, Jihoon slowly moves his hands down to the other’s chest. Then with a careful but firm push, Jihoon creates a space between them, moving backwards a step.

 

“You should go now Guanlin.”

 

It was barely a whisper but in the quiet it carries clearly to Guanlin. The younger doesn’t respond, just looks at Jihoon for a few seconds longer before walking heavily out the room. Jihoon hears the roll of Guanlin’s suitcase and a minute later it was silent again as the door to dorm clicks closed.

 

Jihoon, who was unable to watch Guanlin leave, heaves a deep breath with his head still bowed. He closes his eyes and brushes his fingers along his lips that were still tingling from the kiss.

 

_Our time together might have been fleeting, but our love will be everlasting._

**Author's Note:**

> (cross posted to aff under ilovesungyeollie)


End file.
